


Darkness and Pain, Light and Smiles

by dolphin02



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Dark, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, depends on how you read it, not really romance, sort of romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 08:17:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17721539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dolphin02/pseuds/dolphin02
Summary: And when Harry lurched forwards to apparate her away Hermione turned back around, staring straight at Malfoy. His eyes were haunted and pained, but satisfied. As Hermione felt the world folding away she barely glimpsed it. She barely glimpsed Draco Malfoy's bitter, sad, yet still somehow joyful smile. A flash of it, and then it was gone. And a split second later, Hermione was gone.





	Darkness and Pain, Light and Smiles

**Author's Note:**

> AN: I dunno.
> 
> Never tried HP.
> 
> It's a one-shot. It's a little on the dark side...so go on, take a look!

Laying on the soft, expensive carpet across the Malfoy Manor, was the very first time Hermione knew true pain.

She barely make out the hardwood floors a few feet away, or the shiny, polished shoes of Draco, Lucius, and Narcissa Malfoy.

The lighting was horrible, illuminating Bellatrix's leering face with a ghostly appearance.

After the first Crucio, Hermione was still wide-awake.

She couldn't even begin to describe the Cruciatus.

It was as if hot coals were being thrown at her, but not only did they burn her outside, they seemed to sink through her skin, targeting her throbbing muscles and convulsing body, everything in shuddering, overwhelming pain.

She was avidly aware of every prick of Bellatrix's silver knife, aware of every Crucio aimed at her.

And after the second, she had calmly accepted her fate, staying absolutely silent as Bellatrix screamed at her.

The third was harsher than the first two, as if Bellatrix was letting the anger spur her on. She barely registered the hoarse, pain-filled voice screaming...screaming so loud it almost seemed to fill the room. It was blood-curdling, and chilled her to the bone. And it was only made worse...because it was her own voice.

A few more Crucios came, tearing loud screams from her throat.

The final Crucio was definitely the worst. It seemed to be turning her insides into her outsides, the fire burning...slowly killing her.

As Hermione let her head shake and tremor, she allowed her body to slump over on the floor, head thumping on the cold floor.

That was the first time she met Draco Malfoy's eyes since they had fled Hogwarts.

His eyes were stormy gray, and in her own delusional state, Hermione thought they looked like it was about to rain. His aristocratic face was carefully crafted into a mask full of emptiness and absolute nothingness. There was no indication of any thoughts, and feelings.

But those eyes screamed the world to her.

Don't give up Granger...You have to live to boss Potter around! He can't survive without you!

Hermione blinked slowly, but another wave of pain shot through her, and she squeezed her eyes shut, trying -and failing- to swallow a scream.

But even as the waves of increasing pain racked her body, she couldn't help but lock eyes with Draco Malfoy.

Each Crucio, or whatever form of sick torture Bellatrix tried on her next seemed to hurt Malfoy.

His eyes were tortured and pained, as if seeing the girl he went to school with being tortured, was equivalent to his own pain.

The knife came next, carving into her, as she felt the wetness flowing down her face. The knife's pain was almost worse, tearing through skin and flesh, digging deeper and deeper. And even worse was the pain of knowing the word being scrawled across her arm.

Mudblood.

"Yes! Let your muddy blood flow!" Bellatrix screeched.

But Hermione was already too far gone, to talk back, eyes still trained on Malfoy as the pain came back in full force.

Her vision swam, her head pounded, and aching, yet still somehow sharp pain that coursed through her was absolutely excruciating.

Everything hurt.

Everything hurt, and Hermione was slowly spiraling down into familiar darkness. In the darkness, Hermione saw visions. Visions of the dead, and the living. The future and the past. Everything blurred together until Hermione wasn't sure what it all meant.

Somewhere in a world far away, Bellatrix was still screaming, and Draco was still silently shaking his head as Lucius pleaded.

But that was world's away.

Hermione curled in on herself, shouts fading in and out, her vision blurring and clearing. But the pain was constant. The throbbing, cursed pain.

Whether it was from her arm, were it throbbed outwards, expanding and burning every single cell in her body, or the brutal Cruciatus curse.

Her brain shut down after the first hour, but she still croaked out pained screams on a particularly painful torture, still resisting every form of pain Bellatrix threw at her.

But if Hermione Granger was truly honest, the only reason she hadn't broken completely, were the cloudy eyes of Draco Malfoy.

So when Dobby, Harry, and Ron bursted into the room, screaming bloody murder, Hermione felt blankness, along with the barest hints of relief.

Bellatrix whirled her up, knife pressing against her throat aggressively, and Hermione was barely aware of everything. She started choking a little as blood continued gushing from the sharp cut against her throat.

Hexes were flying.

Ron and Harry were throwing jinxes left and right, Lucius and Bellatrix right along with them.

Narcissa however, was only ducking for cover, and Draco...Hermione had lost sight of Draco.

Adrenaline poured through her, but she still wasn't sure exactly how she was wrenched from Bellatrix's arms, and flung towards her friends.

One thing she did know, was that Draco Malfoy had something to do with it.

She only slightly caught sight of his gray robes as he stepped away from the screaming Bellatrix, retreating fast and far enough that he could've claimed innocence.

And when Harry lurched forwards to apparate her away, Hermione turned back around, staring straight at Malfoy.

His eyes were haunted and pained, but satisfied. As Hermione felt the world folding away, she barely glimpsed it.

She barely glimpsed Draco Malfoy's bitter, sad, yet still somehow joyful smile.

A flash of it, and then it was gone.

And a split second later, Hermione was gone as well.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lying awake on the bed, her entire body sore and throbbing, Hermione thought of his smile. And it made her realize just how little Malfoy had smiled those years at school.

First year, he had smiled the most. And second, a little less. Third was when he got serious. Fourth, was filled with fake laughter. During fifth year, it was a rarity to see the Malfoy heir smile. And sixth year? Hermione only recalled him smiling once.

And it was fake and pained.

"Hey."

Hermione tried to blink a few times, but everything hurt so much. It was an effort, a pained effort, to blink.

"'Arry," Hermione whispered. "Wa...ter?"

Harry shot her a sad look. "Of course Mi. I'll be right back."

Hermione watched him leave as a particularly painful throb echoed through her.

They had tried to patch her up as best as they could, but they all knew that the after effects of too many Crucios could cause permanent damage. Pain for the rest of her life. And the few cuts, bruises and other nasty, painful hexes she had received had all been healed. But the wounds from Bellatrix's cursed knife refused to be healed by magic, and Hermione knew it would leave a scar.

Harry came back with a glass and a spoon, slowly feeding her mouthful after mouthful of water.

"I'm so sor-" Harry muttered lowly, adjusting his glasses.

"Don't," Hermione interrupted, her voice a short whisper. her throat clearing up somewhat with the water. But screaming herself hoarse at Malfoy Manor completely.

"Don't say you're sorry. It wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was," Harry said, shaking his head in shame. "I was the one who said the Taboo. We knew it was a Taboo. I knew it was. Yet I still said it, even if it was on accident. It's all my fault Mi. All my fault."

"It was Bellatrix and Lucius too," Hermione offered consolingly, knowing that telling Harry it wasn't his own fault was fruitless. When Harry Potter was determined to feel guilty, he would.

"Why not our Malfoy or Mrs. Malfoy?" Harry asked, helping her to roll onto her side as he slowly helped her take off her bloody, woolen sweater.

"They didn't help. In fact, Malfoy was the one who threw me over to you. Technically he saved me," Hermione said in that low whisper.

"Really." Harry had an incredulous expression on his face. "Seriously?"

"Yeah," Hermione nodded. "I couldn't believe it either. Where's Ron?"

Harry sighed, lowering his head slightly. "Talking to Fleur and Gabrielle."

"Gabrielle?" Hermione had no idea who that was.

Harry silently reprimanded himself. "Um...Fleur's sister. She was visiting them. Ron met her when he ran away from us. And...they're...friends."

Hermione breathed a light sigh. "You don't have to spare my feelings. I don't care if Ronald wants to spend his time with his quarter-veela friend. I know you were both yelling and screaming for me. I don't like him that way, I've realized."

"You don't?" Harry stared at her with disbelief. "Why?"

"Because...because when I was bleeding on that floor, I didn't find myself thinking about Ron, or my future with him. I love him like a brother. We would have never worked. I thought of you and Voldemort, and Ginny, and the rest of the Weasley clan. I thought of Luna and Neville. I thought of Kingsley and Minerva, and Sirius. And Remus and Tonks and the soon to be born baby. I even thought of Draco Malfoy, Daphne Greengrass, Astoria Greengrass, Theo Nott, Blaise Zabini, Pansy Parkinson...I thought about how their choices would play out their lives. I wondered, truly where things would go for them. I thought of Ron's future...and I didn't see myself in it. Not as his wife. I saw him playing Quidditch and being happy, but with a witch that loves him and worships him. A witch that's willing to stay at home and do what he needs her to do. I can't be that person."

Harry nodded in understanding, his vibrant green eyes widening. "I see. Well, Hermione, you've explained very thoroughly and you need to rest your voice. And the rest of your body really. Sleep. I'll come check on you in a few hours. The water was laced with Dreamless Sleep."

Hermione yawned, and winced, the simple action also causing her pain. "Okay Harry. G'night."

Harry paused at the door, turning worried eyes at Hermione. "G'night Hermione. Sleep tight. And get better soon."

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I don't know how they got free!" Draco yelled, eyes flashing at his aunt. "Go ahead! Call him! I dont' know! I don't know how they got the girl! Even now, I can't even tell if they were truly Potter, Weasley and Granger! I'm not lying!"

"Then you'll let me use Legilimency on you," Bellatrix ordered with a deathly quietness.

Draco glared at her for a second, before conceding. "Fine. You get two minutes in my head."

Bellatrix nodded curtly, but her eyes were filled with crazed delight. "Now you're being smart, my poor nephew," she cooed.

Draco fought the urge to roll his eyes at the insane woman, lest he get blown to bits. "Alright."

Bellatrix gave no warning as the sharp, mental talons dug into his head.

Draco didn't make a sound as he quickly erected barriers.

Smooth, slicked walls that guided the burrowing claws towards only the things Draco wanted her to see. And she couldn't even tell that she was being diverted.

As Bellatrix followed his maze, Draco counted down the time.

But eventually she finished all the safe memories, whizzing through them without a care.

Draco reluctantly created a fake memory.

A memory of what had just happened, but changed a few things, keeping him innocent, yet the results still the same.

Bellatrix slipped out of his head with an unsatisfied frown, glaring at her nephew once more.

"Hm. You are innocent. But my liege will still punish us." Bellatrix had a gleam in here eye, as if she enjoyed his punishments.

Draco soothed his frazzled nerves, fighting the urge to shudder at the thought of Voldemort and his enormous snake.

But so far, Draco had escaped fine.

And so had Potter, Granger and Weasley.

Thank Merlin that Dobby got them out in time. Draco always liked that elf. Too bad he never understood when it was time to cease fighting and to plan things out before executing them.

"Are you going to call him Bella?" Narcissa asked slowly, acting quiet and soft-spoken for once.

Bellatrix sneered at her sister. "You were always the cowardly, useless sister Cissy. Even 'Dromeda had a backbone. Too bad her morals were all screwed up, huh?"

Draco felt himself involuntarily tense at the mention of his other aunt.

Narcissa trained her eyes on her sister, shaking her head. "My backbone isn't in the fighting Bella. It's in the planning."

Bellatrix nodded in agreement. "That my dear sister, is why we still keep you around."

"But honestly Bellatrix, is he coming?" Lucius's voice held only the slightest of tremors, but Bellatrix caught and leered at him.

"Don't tell me you are as weak as your wife? No wonder you fell out of favor so quick with the Dark Lord."

Draco stayed silent, hoping they would all leave him alone now. "May I be excused?"

Bellatrix stared at him before breaking out in a smile. "Of course not my dear boy. I'm calling the Dark Lord and we're all going to sit through out punishments like good little Death Eaters."

Draco gulped silently, sliding another mask across his face. But his fingers trembled still, and he hated himself in the moment. He couldn't be truly evil, but was he was coward and afraid of the light as well. "Yes Aunt Bella."

"There's a good little boy, so much better than the father." Bellatrix nodded with approval.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1 Year Later

Hermione gasped as she tumbled down the cobblestone steps, Ginny shouting behind her.

"Watch it you bloody pri-...whoa. Malfoy. Watch where your going!"

Hermione groaned as she sprawled across the floor. Why did Draco Malfoy had to be EVERYWHERE?

This was the third time they had met each other in the last week!

A deep, rich voice replied, "Sorry Weaslette. Wasn't looking, kinda have a lot of bloody groceries."

"When has a Malfoy ever bought groceries?"

"Never. Except now."

Hermione heard a quiet grunt before a pale, slender hand appeared in front of her eyes. "Need a hand Granger?"

"Why do we keep meeting like this?" Hermione complained, swallowing hard.

His face always brought back bad memories. But she couldn't stay mad at him. Not after the fact that he had saved her life.

She allowed herself to be pulled up, and he did it almost effortlessly.

Hermione studied him with narrowed eyes. He had gotten more mature-looking since the end of the war.

His hair was in disarray, almost in the same fashion as Harry, and his pointed features had rounded slightly. A square jaw was accentuated with a few day old stubble.

She glared at him, placing her hands on her hips with a huff. She tried to hold back a broken sob at the sight of him.

Everything about him still reminded him of arrogant Malfoy from back at school.

Before everything went to shit.

How could he be so unaffected and calm?

Hermione was damaged. Ruined.

And the reminiscence of the torture that had happened that night haunted her day and night. Her scar she saw everything. Permanent disillusionment charms didn't exist. And they wore off too fast for Hermione to keep up. She had given up trying to cover it, and instead wore it as a badge of honor.

But no matter what normalness she managed to achieve, no matter the routine, she couldn't forget about it.

Ron had been killed right in front of her eyes, and Fred was gone as well. The Weasley family was broken, relying on Harry and Hermione.

But they had their own scars and memories to haunt them.

They were all broken together, and Hermione couldn't bring herself to tell her friends about the nightmares that kept her up at night, or the flashbacks and panic attacks.

"Thanks. But are you following me around or something? Bloody hell! I go and get a cuppa, and you're there. I go to my favorite bookshop, and you're there. I go to my JOB, and you're there. I go shopping with Gin, and you're there! Honestly!" Hermione treaded back a few steps, to stand next to Ginny, who was now also watching Malfoy.

He chuckled, a deep, irritatingly masculine sound. But he didn't smile, his eyes still swirling with dangerous thoughtfulness."No, Granger, if I had a say, I'd say you were following ME."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Right. Why would I follow you around?"

Malfoy didn't answer.

He stared at her for a few seconds, until Hermione was officially uncomfortable, fidgeting.

Finally he spoke again, "Call me Draco. And I'll try and be more careful next time. But just so you know...I'm not following you around. They are actual accidents. And for what it's worth...I'm sorry. I'm sorry about the mean comments at school and everything that had happened. The war. Ron. Everything. I'm sorry. I know it doesn't mean much, but I'm sorry. And I'd like to be your friend. Offer's available to you too, Weaslette."

Hermione gaped at him. Draco? He wanted her to call him Draco? When his face swam through her nightmares? When she cried herself awake from the things that he had done? When everything about him reminded her about when everything had been hell?

And he had apologized? About Ron? And...?

Her mind was a whirlwind, trying to make sense of everything going on. But he was already done, ready to go.

He turned, as if to leave, but before he left, he shot her a smile.

A real, genuine smile.

One that said he knew the pain she was going through.

One that was filled with pain and sorrow and bitterness.

One that held forgiveness, and a plea for her forgiveness as well.

One that made her feel safe and welcome, and relieved. As if an old wound had closed.

Hermione stared after him, long after he had picked up his bags and disapparated.

"Come on," Ginny said finally, picking up her hand and tugging her. "Let's go."

Hermione nodded, taking one last glance at that spot.

The smile had been filled with the same emotions that had filled the smile he gave her back at the Manor.

That night, Hermione didn't have any nightmares.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Hermione spotted him next time, it was her who walked up to him.

"Hey," she said, in a way of greeting.

"Hello," Draco smiled back. "I told you you were stalking me."

The ball was grand. The first Remembrance Ball. And everyone had been invited. Everyone who had participated in the war, good and bad.

Hermione rolled her eyes, but couldn't hold back a smile. "I hope you've changed Draco, because I'd like to be your friend."

Draco nodded, and gave her another honest smile. "Good. And you look good in that dress."

Hermione flushed, but shook her head at him. "Don't ruin it already Malfoy."

"Malfoy again? I though I told you it was Draco." He grinned cheekily, but his eyes held a seriousness, and it was obvious he hadn't forgotten everything that had happened.

Hermione gave him a wane smile. "Okay Draco. Okay."


End file.
